I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
