If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
