Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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