I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
