I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Girls should come with a carfax report
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize