even my farts smell like vagina
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
