you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
