if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
