Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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