I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
