Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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