she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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