Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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