That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
