I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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