i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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