my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
