dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
