his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
