I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
