Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
