He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
