im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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