she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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