i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
