So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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