So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
