even my farts smell like vagina
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
