therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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