her vagine was all disorganized.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
