Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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