I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
