You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
