Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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