i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The best revenge is premature balding
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
