She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
my shit smells like andre
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
