can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
