he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
