i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
