it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
