I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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