guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
