Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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