So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
