Tell her she can't have a vagina
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
