I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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