Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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