why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
