it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
