"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
please come you make the beer taste better
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
