i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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