Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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