Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
