New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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