I want to make a zoo with you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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