when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
