She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize