I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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