so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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