i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
