Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
