I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
