he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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