I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
