Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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