Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
