I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He? As in you personified your dick?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
