I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So squirting runs in the family.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
