I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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