Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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