I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
