just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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