I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
