I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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