Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
