Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
