Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
