We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
