do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
