They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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